A Mage's Fear
by ValkyriePoet
Summary: Sometimes death isn't the worst fear that a person can have. Sometimes darkspawn aren't the only thing in the world that terrify. For most mages, it's something entirely different. Two little shorts about how Warden Surana feels about her relationship with Zevran.
1. To Realise

It scares her, sometimes, just how tempting he is. Coy smiles, nimble fingers, alluring gaze and witty speech.

She shouldn't and oh the Maker does she know it. Still, she is young and she is weak and he is everything to be desired and oh so interesting and _dangerous_. An assassin should be (she knows) and she must be wary (she is), but even so, he calls to her in ways she never expected.

She is terrified.

She is a mage of the Circle, through and through. Fear ground into her from a young age – be strong, or the demons will find you. Have magic serve you, not rule over you. Find strength in the good and you will not fall. Will not succumb to the darkness that is temptation.

Sometimes she wonders if this, all of this, is just the Fade. She wonders sometimes if this Blight and the civil war and her _friends_ have all been conjured by this demon of temptation, greed and desire.

She wonders if this is all a test – she wonders if she is failing. Any moment the sword will fall and she will be dead because she succumbed to the weakness and she is an abomination.

It never happens and it is terrifying just how easily Zevran lures her in with words of adventure and luck and lust and poisons and _danger_.

She loves it and when he propositions her, she cannot deny because by now her untouched body screams for him and his danger and his temptation and she is terrified, but welcoming as those nimble fingers loosen her robes and as those lips touch her shoulders.

And she _knows_ this should be nothing. She _knows_ it is dangerous, but nothing has turned her on so much and he is her first and her forever, even if she's so terrified of him and where this path will lead her.

Zevran, however, is gentle.

He must know; how can he not? The way she trembles and stares at him hopelessly. If he doesn't know, he's not a very good assassin because they need to see their prey like this sometimes. Vulnerable and when she's with him, especially like this, small and naked and flushed, she is most _definitely_ vulnerable.

But he goes no farther than she allows, and she allows so, so much because she wants him and his taste and his poison and his danger.

And it's over and she's confused because she doesn't know where this will lead, but she wants to find out. She so desperately wants to find out because she knows she could never have enough of him and the scary thoughts come back and oh Maker, she's still so incredibly terrified.

That's when she realises she's in love.


	2. To Admit

Temptation plagued her and she knew it. It was wrong, but it was right and it was dangerous, but there was no avoiding it now. It had started and she never wanted the encounter to end.

Once upon a time, she would have been terrified and as it were, part of her still was. Terrified of the demons that plagued her sleep, demons using _him_ and his beauty against her. His half lidded gaze and cocky smirk – he would stare at her luridly, as always.

Those dreams scared her more than anything because the Fade was incredibly dangerous, especially to tantalized young mages with someone to want. Even so, she fought it and it was hard, but to feel his body against hers in the heat of the moment, in the smallness of her tent – she would not trade it for the world.

He bit her sometimes; marks on her throat remained for days on end. Sometimes Alistair made a comment, concerned, but she'd smile and say it was nothing because as terrified as she was, this made her journey into Oblivion so much more bearable.

Whatever "this" was.

Oh, yes, it was sex. There was no denying that. Sex, pleasure, danger – everything a mage with any common sense would avoid. Once upon a time, she had been that mage, but now thrust into the world with the largest responsibility she had ever had upon her shoulders, the Mage Warden couldn't be bothered to give a damn. She'd enjoy whatever this was – however long it lasted.

Some nights it was long and passionate; others quick, simple release. It always ended with them parting ways – to their own tents and Zevran would give her that _look_ and it would lure her in deeper and deeper and deeper...

"You scare me." She said one day and she didn't know where it came from, or more accurately _why_ she'd said it.

He'd blinked at her slowly and then smiled that smile and those long fingers graced her flushed skin as he held her face at his mercy.

"Oh? How _so_ , my dear Warden?" The Antivan purred into her ear and a tremble went down her spine; she swallowed.

"You're everything I told myself I could never have." Her admission was meek, shaky.

"The danger...it allures me so. Everything that once made sense makes me jumbled when I look at you." Her breath hitched as she stared into those eyes of his.

"Oh Maker..."

"I am indeed quite the catch, that is certain." His voice was smooth and his breath was hot; her neck was at his mercy.

"But I fail to see, dear Warden, how I scare you so. If you wish to stop these encounters, you need only say the word."

"No, don't stop. Don't ever stop." The words tumbled from her mouth faster than she could think them and he peered at her, that smile widening and if looks could devour, oh, he was so ready to devour her and she would enjoy every moment of it.

"Demons." She managed after that and he paused, something flickering in his eyes.

"I'm so weak. So weak and you bring out this weakness in me that scares me. You tempt me so and that is the most terrifying part of all. That I allow my knees to quake when you look at me...just...like...that..." She trembled now, with anticipation, but Zevran was humming and hawing and finally he kissed her lips and he tsked.

"Lovely, lovely, Warden, you think too much." The purr in his voice was back and the mage swallowed thickly – her tongue felt so heavy in her mouth.

"No demon could control you, though I am flattered and _concerned_ that you think me such a weakness to you."

"A demon can control any mage, Zevran." Her breath hitched now, eyes wide as she peered up at him.

"...I...I don't ever want this to stop. Whatever this is. Even with the danger of the demons...and the dreams and the _terror_. This...this is life."

He laughed. It was a sound that melted her to her very core; relaxed her.

"Then enjoy it and do not be afraid. Here, let me _distract_ you, hm?"

"Z- Zevran..."

"If you do not wish this to stop, I will not stop it." He told her, and now he was suddenly quite serious.

"But if you truly worried about being carried off by demons in the middle of the night, worry not. I will stay here with you and protect you – as I swore to you. I am yours."

"You can't protect me from demons, Zevran..."

"Perhaps not." He admitted, golden eyes flickering as his smile returned.

"But perhaps an eternal company is exactly what you need to scare your terrifying Desire Bogeyman away. "


End file.
